I really just wanna see Luis right now,
but I have to write this paper.

Besides, I don't have his number or any way to contact him, and I'm genuinely afraid of being eaten by his dogs, so I can't just show up at his house.

Damn it :(

The internetz is not as fun anymore since I've talked to Luis through Steam on Victor's computer. Then Victor kicked me off the computer (the jerk) and I didn't even get to say bye... so now I'm sad because I was so happy.

Why can't some people just go away?
Here's looking at you, Juan. Not Juan Villa, of course. He can stay as long as he wants. I'm talking about the other one. That one that I wish never to have to run into again. It's been over a year since I've talked to him. And I plan to keep it that way. And when I leave for Sacramento in August, may his shadow never darken my area ever again. And may his face never casually cross my mind again. And may I never have to be reminded of anything that has to do with him again.

And quit playing your music obnoxiously loud. It doesn't make you look cool.

So... last night was a success.

Or at least that's what I'd like to think, at least for an $80 budget, I still haven't asked the birthday boy for his opinion.

It's been a very stressful week for me, but it's worked out fine. Did quite a number on my face. I broke out even more than I did before. Yikes. Not only that, but the b/c clearly magnified all my problems and made me unreasonable and temperamental.

But yesterday, Elena and I left to clean Juan and Victor's apartment. And ugh, it was putrid. I have to say Elena and I did an awesome job. We got there at 10 AM, and we finished at about 1:30 PM. I just did the kitchen, Elena did the living room. I don't think I would been able to do that alone. Plus we took breaks helping Cristian with his English paper. And a pizza break. So when Victor got home from work, we went shopping for decorations. We ended up going with a money theme since Juan is the Money Badger.

So we decorated and it came out really nice. We came home to get ready and my mom let me borrow the car. Then I went to Filippi's early to reserve us a table, and then Victor, Juan, Luis and Cristian came to join me, and then Victor left to go pick up Elena, Alonso and Albert. So we ate and we ordered pizza and salads and beers and Luis got drunk. I was trying to make him sing Cielito Lindo with me but he didn't know it. haha. So we started singing Daddy Cool. So we ate and we talked and we laughed. Juan seemed to have enjoyed himself. He said he could pitch in and we were like... "uhhhh, you're not paying ANYTHING" so Victor. Elena, Albert, Alonso and I went to pay. Then we went to our cars and JUAN ACTUALLY rode with me! hahaha! so we dropped off Alonso, cus he had some party to go to. Then since Victor didn't do his job right, we had to go drop Juan off at his car... -_- and then go back to their place, so I made sure that Juan stayed behind me. So we walk in, and they start playing "Daddy Cool" and they see the cake my mom had made and they compliment it on the taste and decoration. And then Juan opens presents, which I'm LUCKY mine had come in on time. I got him James and the Giant Peach on Blu-Ray. Then we go to the living room to play Loteria, which we had bought for New Year's but everyone got too drunk that night to do anything but dance and cry and throw up.

Anyway, then we hung out and talked and stuff and then poor Juan got tired and went to sleep. Then I took home Luis and Cristian and got home just in time to not get in trouble. But yea, that was the night. In my opinion, it was quite enjoyable. I better not get any ungrateful complaints! He's just not a night owl, he's a morning person. He gets grumpy by nightfall. But he's all chipper and great in the morning. Last time, when we ALL slept in his room (by "all", I mean Victor, Elena, and I) he came in and woke us up by opening the blinds and saying GOOD MORNING! then the other time I slept in his room, he woke me up by playing No Scrubs by TLC and waiting for me to show my face under the covers. I'm not a morning person by ANY means.

I did it. I had a talk with him, over spring rolls, a vegetarian tofu sandwich, and mango boba that gave me this incredible sugar high. So much so that I think I did embarrass him some, it was fun. I actually didn't talk to him about it while we were dining. He went to drop me off and I was thinking to myself that I told everyone I was gonna do it, it would be a shame to chicken out now, so, I started talking and rambling. Going on about Cristian and the waitress and being embarrassed. Until we finally got down to the nitty gritty. Which I'm glad we did get down to it, it was a good talk. He's officially "friend-zoned". I guess it had to be done. My heart feels a little heavy, because just because I told him that I only wanted his friendship doesn't mean that all I really do want is to be just friends, but I guess I feel better that at least I got to be the one to do it, and I'm not some pathetic shrub in his eyes. Who knows, maybe our friendship will blossom, maybe Jake's plan will work, but for now, all I look forward to is growing closer as friends, how "not awkward" our next encounter will be. Okay, sure, I may have gotten a bit jealous that he still kept in contact with Karen, cus she was SO SURE he was hitting on her and how he knowing about her getting divorced meant that he talked to her quite a bit, but I don't want to be this jealous person. Can't help it that I am... the birth control's not helping.

I wish things could be different, I wish he weren't so amazing and I could just walk away, but things are the way they are and at the very least, I'm getting over this fear of talking to people about things that matter, rather than constantly avoiding any kind of confrontation.

I wish I knew how to make me feel better. Sometimes I wish I didn't have feelings, they get hurt too often and too easily.

My own stalled life - stuck in neutral while everybody else my age is accelerating like mad. I just can't get the gist of the situation. I'm on my period and I feel like screaming. I can't tell whether I'd rather be wide awake or dreaming. And today, I have to have "the talk" with Juan. Kill me now :/ I'd rather have a talk with someone else just cus I know Juan's gonna frustrate me to hell, but I promised and so I have to do it.

I don't even know where I am anymore. Sure I'm in my bed, in my room, physically, here, but where am I in life? I have a sour feeling in the pit of my stomach, that nothing is ever gonna go right. That I'll end up a cat lady.

Dear Parents,

I know that since I am "of age" the dishes are basically something I must do to help around the house, since the both of you work so hard and so much to get me the things i need. However, I do have some bones to pick with you about your kitchen conduct, especially around the sink area.

If you could please do the following:

1) Clear off any food remnants or whatevers off your plate before placing it in the sink, as in excess beans/rice, chicken bones. Otherwise it all ends up in the pipes and clogs up the garbage disposal, etc. Especially since you don't want me to use the garbage disposal.

2) Do not place any plastic bags in the sink.

3) Do not leave the sponge at the bottom of the sink and then pile on the dishes.

4) Do not mess with my order. I have a system that should not be messed with. You want clean and orderly, i'll give you clean and orderly, i just need to stick to the system.

I had more, so I'll just add them as I go along.

____________________________________________

On a different note, today is day 2 of my diet and I feel swell, i am a bit hungry, but that can hold off till tomorrow. At least if I am able to wake up before 10. :)

( Day 2: Favorite Movie )

Haha, last night/this morning I had one of those dreams that were so pleasant, but you know will never come true like EVER. Lol, i dreamt I was in the show "Blossom"... well not in the show, but hanging out with the characters, you know? I dreamt that Joey was a jerk, you know, but Tony... ohh, tony, I think I fell in love with Tony in the dream, lol, i don't think I'll ever be able to watch that show the same again. :)) that was the second dream. I kinda wish i was still asleep and not stuck with the memories. lol. As if it really happened. ;)

My first dream was also pleasant because I met a hottie and we went to somewhere together and it was all... so weird. cus idk, everyone was there, like the people who went to the fair, plus more, like the Filippi's gang, plus some guys i'd never seen before including my hottie.

Does this mean I'm moving on?

Anyway, today is Switchfoot! :))

I have too much time on my hands, I just did a work out and I am waiting to cool off because I heard that if I take a shower right away, I can develop boils on my skin. I don't want that... so what if I did this:

( 31 Day Challenge ) I'll start tomorrow.